Living in the now!

Hello!

Today is another revelation discovered by yours truly. I can't even begin to imagine what the hell I'm going to be like in 5, 10, 20 years time; where i'll be, who will be important in my life, or even what I'll be doing with myself. And it used to bother me terribly! That little exercise schools do sometimes where they get you to write down exactly this on a piece of paper or speak it aloud caused me PHYSICAL PAIN because I just I found it impossible to answer, like come on who do you think I am, the Doctor? And whilst I do realise that the resemblance is uncanny I can't travel to the year 2023 to grab a glimpse, I'm terribly sorry.

However looking back on my past I can see that there has been significant chances and the decisions I've made along the way and the things I aspired to be at the time affected how I acted and who I was. Throughout primary school for example I knew undoubtedly that I was going to be a star when I grew up. So I joined choir, stage band, wakakirri (which is an Aussie storytelling competition), and was in spectaculars and musicals up until I left. It made me outgoing and enjoyable because I was loving what I was doing and I was headed in the right direction for where I wanted to be at that point in my life. Just like in primary school, my decisions in early high school changed my personality dramatically however it was much for the worse, but as a shitty 14 year old girl what else was there to expect. Wishing to stay in with the 'cool' crowd at the time I stopped all the things I loved doing (aka performing) and signed myself up for things I despised (aka sports, and I don't use the word despise lightly). It made me crabby and irritable simply because I hated the decision I'd made, turns out I didn't even like the popular kids, they were constantly bitching and were never supportive of whatever anyone tried to do (except for possibly cheerleading). But it just didn't work out well for me, I'd lost all ambition at the time and when I got really sick (for a 3 month period) I felt grateful in a way for the time I got to get away from them and distance myself so that when I came back I could join in with a new crowd.

These choices I have made so far have directed me on my path and although I can see that some obvious changes have been made, and that I've been able to grow and come to these kind of realisations there is still no possible way I can predict what is going to motivate me, not even in the near future like next month or tomorrow! So my main message here is that you HAVE to live your life in the moment literally, sure take onboard past decisions and learn from the mistakes you've made but don't go planning out what lies ahead because I can guarantee that you'll end up disappointed. If the future makes you scared or anxious it's just another reason that backs up my point. Be who you want to be now, forget about what repercussions that will make on you in 5, 10, 20 years because inevitably you'll be a different you by then with different goals and dreams!

Until next time! xx

Loving my body!

Hello!

Today's post is going to be a little bit overdone I feel yet I can completely understand why. Each and every girl on this planet will struggle to grasp the concept of weight and body shapes at some stage in their life. For me that stage finished very very recently, like in the last 3 months recently after having the trouble since I was 10/11 years old. Right now I weigh in at 71.4 kilos at a height of 176 cm (or 5'10), so it's clear to me that I'm not at all a 'skinny' or 'small' girl, and i'm completely okay with it. I can confirm that yes I've got slightly bigger than average boobies and quite a plump bum yet (thankfully) paired with quite a flat tummy and pinched in waist. I used to believe that I had gotten the worst of the family traits, whilst my cousin had gotten the best (with a small waist, average sized boobies and a normal stomach). That was until I started to accept myself more, I thank the universe that I got my aunt's flat stomach and my granny's height and my great grandma's curves, because it's what I now love most. 

Surprising that was the first step in me losing weight. For years I had tried to lessen my figure and even out the bumps and lumps to a more manageable size. I died to look like a runway model or somebody worthy for the cover page on a magazine. Yet during this period of crazy dieting and exercise I loss hardly anything at all because I was pushing my body to its limits causing me to crash and give in to laziness and cravings and then without rest starting up something else claiming that 'it just wasn't the right regime for me'. I was right of course, I just didn't take on the meaning of it until later on.

In the first 2 months of accepting my body I decided that switching my focus to staying healthy and maintaing my current body weight was going to be my new goal. After having set myself so many goals and standards previous it had become a habit to follow them to the best of my ability, what made a difference was that I stopped making the end result impossible. I took up little tricks of the trade like fidgeting in class or whenever I was sitting at the computer, and keeping a more relaxed diet letting myself have a donut or a chocolate if I felt like it for a snack whilst making certain that my main meals were organic and fresh. 

The most shocking change however has occurred in the last month were I have been constantly dropping of half of a kilo almost every day which is utterly incredible and extremely exciting for me. I think it's because I am now aware of what my body wants and when. If I feel like a salad I'll have a salad, if that salad is a chocolate bar well that works too. I've also found a way to ENJOY exercise. Yes  I am bloody well aware that I said ENJOY! People try music and stuff to distract them whilst they are running or working out etc, yet that has never been enough to motivate me. Instead I grab my little sister and we walk around until we get to a hill and have a race to the top, or I go for a walk with my friend who lives down the road and we have a good ol' chat. I have even started to do 'blogilate's' workouts on youtube (which you should all check out). 

(I am fully aware that i'm no dietician etc etc so this really is my personal story of how I've come to terms with my own body and what has helped me.)

Until next time! xx

Feeling Icky!

Hello!

Over the past week, I've been dreadfully ill with a very unwelcome stomach bug. My younger sister, Lily (age 11), caught something from someone in the school ground I'm assuming and being the loving big sister I am I appointed myself the role of making her feel much better. This included making numerous cups of lemon tea, giving out belly rubs before bedtime, and a great deal of cuddles. However my efforts were slashed as I was unaware how contagious this bug really was seeing as two days later I came down with it myself. 

Although I was unhappy at myself for catching the bug I was consoled by the fact that Lily was only sick for 24 hours. With the knowledge that it would be over soon I took a day off school to rest up and get myself feeling better. Until I woke up the following day feeling even more dreadful than the first! It's now been three days off school and I haven't improved in the slightest!

Due to this and many other cases of prolonged illness I've come to the conclusion that my immune system is practically non-existent. This theory was then confirmed by my local GP telling me that I have an unnaturally insufficient amount of cells that fight these bugs off and the ones I've got don't do a very good job either! Surprise, surprise! What's even weirder is that when I catch a sickness from somebody it can actually appear to be a totally different bug just because it affects me so terribly! 

After spending so long wrapped up in my bed and missing out on the final days of my schooling experience (seeing as I graduate in 3 weeks) I felt the need to rant and rave to anyone who'll listen to me. Just be glad that I don't have your phone number because I've been calling and texting all my contacts looking for a little support an comfort (which has been gratefully received I might add)!

Until next time! xx

Write My Life?

Hello!

Quite recently I received the last assignment I'm ever going to do in my high school years. Luckily for me it's an English written task! Easy as pie, I know! To make things even better I discovered that it's a bloody autobiography, I mean come on right how much simpler do you want to get? 

WRONG!

To my dismay this assignment is so much harder than I expected it to be. It's forced me to reflect on my entire existence, nit picking out specific moments that will convey who I am as a person and what I have to show for. Trust me whilst it seems like so uncomplicated,  it's actually a very (very) cringe worthy task! How on earth am I meant to sum up a perspective of me in 1,200 words. To recollect my most treasured memories and the choices that have made me who I am. To make a future prediction of where I'm going to go with my life and what successes I will come by. It's dauntingly impossible!

It's also made me come to realize however how much I've actually involved myself in without taking any notice. Turns out over the 17 year lifetime I've had so far, almost all of my most notable memories consist of me when I was most interested in the arts. Ranging from my brilliant performance as Sleeping Beauty in kindergarten to being apart of a performing arts group on the main stage in Disneyland only 6 months ago. However these memories to others may appear that I love to act/sing/dance and simply be on the stage when I'm actually much more interested in living in the story. 

That I figured is what makes writing so appealing to me. Sure I love being a part of the arts, don't get me wrong, but my heart has always been so invested in the story of it, so much so that it's what I want to do with my life. Maybe someday I'll be writing the school plays or even screenwriting in Hollywood itself but I do know that the arts have always helped me through tough times, dragging me into a story other than my own. 

Until next time! xx