Hello!
Today is another revelation discovered by yours truly. I can't even begin to imagine what the hell I'm going to be like in 5, 10, 20 years time; where i'll be, who will be important in my life, or even what I'll be doing with myself. And it used to bother me terribly! That little exercise schools do sometimes where they get you to write down exactly this on a piece of paper or speak it aloud caused me PHYSICAL PAIN because I just I found it impossible to answer, like come on who do you think I am, the Doctor? And whilst I do realise that the resemblance is uncanny I can't travel to the year 2023 to grab a glimpse, I'm terribly sorry.
However looking back on my past I can see that there has been significant chances and the decisions I've made along the way and the things I aspired to be at the time affected how I acted and who I was. Throughout primary school for example I knew undoubtedly that I was going to be a star when I grew up. So I joined choir, stage band, wakakirri (which is an Aussie storytelling competition), and was in spectaculars and musicals up until I left. It made me outgoing and enjoyable because I was loving what I was doing and I was headed in the right direction for where I wanted to be at that point in my life. Just like in primary school, my decisions in early high school changed my personality dramatically however it was much for the worse, but as a shitty 14 year old girl what else was there to expect. Wishing to stay in with the 'cool' crowd at the time I stopped all the things I loved doing (aka performing) and signed myself up for things I despised (aka sports, and I don't use the word despise lightly). It made me crabby and irritable simply because I hated the decision I'd made, turns out I didn't even like the popular kids, they were constantly bitching and were never supportive of whatever anyone tried to do (except for possibly cheerleading). But it just didn't work out well for me, I'd lost all ambition at the time and when I got really sick (for a 3 month period) I felt grateful in a way for the time I got to get away from them and distance myself so that when I came back I could join in with a new crowd.
These choices I have made so far have directed me on my path and although I can see that some obvious changes have been made, and that I've been able to grow and come to these kind of realisations there is still no possible way I can predict what is going to motivate me, not even in the near future like next month or tomorrow! So my main message here is that you HAVE to live your life in the moment literally, sure take onboard past decisions and learn from the mistakes you've made but don't go planning out what lies ahead because I can guarantee that you'll end up disappointed. If the future makes you scared or anxious it's just another reason that backs up my point. Be who you want to be now, forget about what repercussions that will make on you in 5, 10, 20 years because inevitably you'll be a different you by then with different goals and dreams!
Until next time! xx
These choices I have made so far have directed me on my path and although I can see that some obvious changes have been made, and that I've been able to grow and come to these kind of realisations there is still no possible way I can predict what is going to motivate me, not even in the near future like next month or tomorrow! So my main message here is that you HAVE to live your life in the moment literally, sure take onboard past decisions and learn from the mistakes you've made but don't go planning out what lies ahead because I can guarantee that you'll end up disappointed. If the future makes you scared or anxious it's just another reason that backs up my point. Be who you want to be now, forget about what repercussions that will make on you in 5, 10, 20 years because inevitably you'll be a different you by then with different goals and dreams!
Until next time! xx
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